My Only Truth

Once again…

I absolutely hate feeling ignored. Just because I’m mature enough to not start drama with you like the majority of the population would, doesn’t mean it’s okay to just pretend nothing I say matters.

Fuck you.

I hate being ignored.

Believe it or not, there is a reason why I ask you certain questions.

I still get goosebumps every time I see your face.

Once you get to know a better life,

And grow accustomed to it…it’s extremely difficult to be content with going back to how things used to be.

When one of your best friends is experiencing all of the happiness that could have and would have been yours…

But isn’t, because you’re moving away. Definitely really hard to accept.

Trying my best to be happy for them both though. It’s just painful knowing that would have been me having those experiences to call the best of my life, but having to give it all up and give my blessing to my friend to go after it due to the fact I can’t take it for myself because I’m leaving this place soon.

I seriously need to just get over it already. What’s done is done. But I’m only human, and when it’s two of my best friends together who both are a big part of my life, it’s kinda hard to escape from thinking what could have been mine.

Owell. I guess I was just never meant to truly be happy in this city. I can only hope that I experience sustained true happiness in my next chapter in life elsewhere. There is no way I have experienced my happiest days in life yet.

Unfortunately, I still have to wait 5 more months to even begin that pursuit. So what to do in the meantime??

Pretend that being lonely doesn’t hurt.

Just keeping rubbing it in guys, it’s cool…doesn’t hurt me at all I swear.

Damn it :(

I keep having dreams about you, having the most amazing time of my life. But I can’t have you.

Wanting someone you can’t have is seriously the worst.

So this wasn’t quite the result I was hoping for, but it’s the result that has to be.

As much as I adore this girl, pursuing anything more than a friendship with her just isn’t realistic under these circumstances. It’s such a shame that it has to be this way, but it is what it is and I’m okay with that. We are on the best of terms and will always remain good friends.

One thing really good came out of this though. I now know exactly what I want in a girl in the future. This girl really showed me how honest a girl can be, how genuine and real a girl can be, how understanding a girl can be, how sweet and cute and adorable a girl can be, how meaningfully affectionate a girl can be, how fun a girl can be, how comfortable I can feel around a girl, and just overall, how amazing a girl can be.

I will never settle for anything less than what she showed me in this short amount of time. These few experiences with her were literally life changing, and I can’t thank her enough for that. I am so lucky to have even spent time with her at all. I swear whoever ends up becoming this girl’s boyfriend in the future is the luckiest winner alive.

So it looks like I’ll be single for quite awhile longer unfortunately, but at least I know it’s for a good reason :)

When you send the girl you like a really long and important text message, and 2+ hours pass with no reply…

Most scary feeling ever. Hoping that she’s just busy and hasn’t had the chance to reply yet, but knowing that the chances of that aren’t very realistic. Having absolutely no idea if you really fucked up everything this time. Not being able to return to sanity until you hear back from her. And having to blame yourself for the whole thing because it was your choice to send the text in the first place. Yeah, that feeling…

This is so fucking hard.

Why must I like you so much?

Why is it that the one time in my life I find a girl who is completely genuine when expressing her feelings for me, who I happen to completely adore back, I’m not allowed to date her due to both of our current circumstances?

And I won’t ever get the chance at it either because I’ll be moving away in 5 months.

I just want to be with you. I just want to spend time with you, and show you what you truly deserve from a guy. I want to be the one who’s there for you to pick you up when you’re down, and be the one who’s there with you to share your happiest experiences in life with. I want you to know what you could and should have in your life. I just wish I had a realistic shot at this happening.

Fuck my life.

It’s times like these where being physically distant from your closest friends destroys you.

Having no choice but to consume yourself with all of the stinging thoughts you’re trying to avoid.

Once a girl is stuck on your mind…

You’re kinda fucked.

Lameness.

So this certain girl on tumblr once was asking me how the heck I’m single and don’t have a girlfriend. One of the things I told her was that I think most girls prefer taller guys, and that a lot of girls probably don’t even consider me due to my size. She then proceeded to tell me that that’s crazy, that any girl would be stupid to not be interested in me or not be attracted to me due to my lack of height.

Then today, I see her reblog something that says “I like boys who are a lot taller than me…”

Wonderful. Thank you so much for reinforcing your thoughts. It’s nice to know how genuine of a person you are.

Just to clarify, I like this post because I can relate

I hope you know that whenever I like one of your not-so-happy posts, it’s for the same reason. I can relate to a lot of the things you post. Just hope life’s natural progression helps us both in the future :)

Loneliness has really been corrupting my mind lately.

Not even sure if I can trust my own thoughts anymore.